Home vs. Abroad
Posted: 3 July 2007Well, it's been almost a year since we arrived in Vancouver from Malaysia. I'm 30 years old, and I've spent almost a decade outside of Malaysia, mostly in the US, and now in Canada. And though I love my country, I feel that I'm better off living abroad.
Up through college, I've led a very focused life. I knew exactly what I wanted. I worked hard, and I played hard. And my hard work paid off with a nice cushy job (though some may say I worked hard there too) with a technology consultancy based on Chicago, IL. I enjoyed myself traveling to many cities, and working on different projects using different technologies. I learned many new things about the software arena, which was foreign to me at the time. I adapted.
After working for several years in the US, I returned home to Malaysia. I was close to family and friends, with my own family starting out as well. I eventually joined a good friend of mine (fellow college alumni) in a technology start-up. This too was a great learning experience, being a part of a small team, putting on different hats, playing different roles, and seeing the company grow from infancy to seedling. Though the hours were sometimes long, I thought it was a good experience.
But something was different while working in Malaysia, despite working in a high-tech firm with smart friends from college, despite being close to family and friends, despite the great food and weather, something was amiss. Sure, you can read about the House Disaster that affected my family and me so adversely. But something more was just not right. So when my wife got the opportunity to study abroad, I was elated. A chance to start anew. I toyed with the idea of staying beyond my wife's requisite study period there. But why?
Since coming to Vancouver, I've really had the chance to re-calibrate and re-define my life. After finding a job, and settling into
a routine (of sorts), I started thinking about what I wanted out of life. That's when I set
10 goals (resolutions) for 2007. I started reading (and believe me, before this, I hated to read), 1 - 2 books a month. I
started learning again, but not just about business and technology, but about life. And I started to realize what it was that made it
so difficult for me to adapt in Malaysia.
One of the first books I read this year is "Maximum Achievement", by Brian Tracy. He wrote 2 things which I really agree with. First is that, your happiness is affected by the degree in which you feel in control of your life. Secondly, when you feel negative emotions, you tend to see only the negative things in your life, and vice versa. If you exude a positive attitude, you will only see positive opportunities. And you have total control over your attitude.
Living in Malaysia was difficult for me because of the negative energy I felt while I was there. Again, many may argue that the House Disaster had a lot to do with it. But again, there is more.
I used to love driving. I learned to drive in the US, and obtained my first driver's license while studying in New York. I loved driving so much, that I even volunteered to help my collegue move from San Francisco all the way to Denver. We drove 18 hours non-stop, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But in Malaysia, drivers are gangsters. If I didn't have to drive, I wouldn't... but I did. The transportation infrastrcuture in Malaysia is decent. We have highways, railways and transit systems. But despite all that, our drivers are gangsters. Road rage was (at least when I was there) so bad, there were cases of murder. Everyday, I'm faced with these negative emotions, and it affected my happiness.
There is another source of negative emotions while I was in Malaysia, and it has to do with business ethics. Though it may not be
as prevalent as I make it out to be (maybe I'm exagerating), but it's prevalent enough such that it made an impact on me. Many
Malaysians live off government contracts, skimming off 10% - 30% without any value-add to the project. They just take their cut,
and pass it along to whomever would accept the contract at 10% - 30% less. And... many projects end up sub-par, or worse, unfinished.
What a waste of tax money. And the people who skim, do it again, over and over again. The rich get richer, while the government
ends up with bad or unfinished projects. And this mentality is so prevalent, that even those who don't have the contacts to
initiate such a business deal, would not hesitate to do it if they had the opportunity. Everybody else is doing it, why not me?
The unscrupulous thrive in this environment, and the principled get short end of the stick.
Being in Canada these past 10 months have an eye-opener for me. And it's not necessarily because it's Canada persay. But being away from all the negativity really enabled me to think about my life and focus on the things that I want. I have a job that I like, working with technology that is challenging. I am able to spend a lot of time with my kids, on weekends and evenings after work. My relationship with my wife has never been better. I go to the gym 2-3 times a week. I recently ran the 10K in under an hour. I joined a college band, and we play English, Malay and Chinese music on campus. And I'm actively looking forward into my future, taking the reigns to my life. I could never have fathomed such a thing in Malaysia.
So I ask myself, should I return to Malaysia? Will I return to Malaysia? I think I will, but not until I've straigtened myself out. After all, if you've gone through this site, I'm still searching for my purpose in live. Once I'm ready... Once I can exude enough positive energy that I'm unaffected by other peoples' negativity, perhaps then, I'll be ready to return, and contribute in a more positive manner. Eventhough I was in Malaysia, I really wasn't doing anything to help the ecomony other than get in debt. Hopefully, people in Malaysia will understand....
Should I Stay or Should I Go...
Copyright Azroy Kandan 2007
Last Updated: 3 July 2007